Marriage is not easy. Unfortunately the world consistently tells us that hard work and selflessness are the marks of a bad marriage. The thought is that it should be easy or there is something wrong. One of my favorite quotes that exemplifies this is by Donald Trump.
"I wish I`d had a great marriage. See, my father was always very proud of me, but the one thing he got right was that he had a great marriage. He was married for 64 years. One of my ex-wives once said to me, `You have to work at a marriage`. And I said, `That`s the most ridiculous thing`, because my parents, they didn`t work at the marriage. If you have to work at a marriage, it`s not going to work. It has to be sort of a natural thing. But my ex-wife would say, `You have to work at this, you have to do this, you have to do that`. And I`m saying to myself, `Man, I work all day long, well into the evening. I don`t want to come home and work at a marriage. A marriage has to be very easy`. My father would come home, have dinner, and take it easy. It was the most natural marriage I`ve ever seen."
I don't even know where to begin dissecting the fallacies in this statement! What is clear is that Donald wants his marriage to be easy for HIM!
To be honest, that's how we all are. When we say marriage is hard work we are really saying that some of the requirements it places on me personally are not things that I would naturally want to do. It's an issue of selfishness and marriage, by it's very nature, is designed to kill selfishness, or is it?
The better question is, "Was it?" I believe the Bible teaches that Adam and Eve were created equal and given roles that would provide the perfect compliment to each other. Then sin entered. With sin came the the big "I". In other words, the system isn't broken but my desire to fulfill it sure is. I don't really care about complimenting anyone, I just want what I want and I want it now! Honestly, this is how most of us enter marriage. We talk about what the other person does for or to us. We never talk about how we plan to serve them for the rest of our lives.
Sin makes marriage hard work. Sin makes me not want to reach out to understand and serve my spouse. Sin makes me think that my way is the only way things ought to be. Understand that the hard work of marriage is really the hard work of killing sin. Thankfully, when we place our faith in Christ he frees us from the power of sin. The question is, will we choose to walk in that victory each day or will we will default to selfishness.
Below I have copied a statement of belief by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood I'll bet you didn't know there was such a group? Their website and ministry is a great help to the church. I have added their content so that we can be sure that we have a sure foundation when discussing marriage and family issues.
Based on our understanding of Biblical teachings, we affirm the following:
1. Both Adam and Eve were created in God's image, equal before God as persons and distinct in their manhood and womanhood (Gen 1:26-27, 2:18).
2. Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles are ordained by God as part of the created order, and should find an echo in every human heart (Gen 2:18, 21-24; 1 Cor 11:7-9; 1 Tim 2:12-14).
3. Adam's headship in marriage was established by God before the Fall, and was not a result of sin (Gen 2:16-18, 21-24, 3:1-13; 1 Cor 11:7-9).
4. The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women (Gen 3:1-7, 12, 16).
* In the home, the husband's loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife's intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility.
* In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.
5. The Old Testament, as well as the New Testament, manifests the equally high value and dignity which God attached to the roles of both men and women (Gen 1:26-27, 2:18; Gal 3:28). Both Old and New Testaments also affirm the principle of male headship in the family and in the covenant community (Gen 2:18; Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19; 1 Tim 2:11-15).
6. Redemption in Christ aims at removing the distortions introduced by the curse.
* In the family, husbands should forsake harsh or selfish leadership and grow in love and care for their wives; wives should forsake resistance to their husbands' authority and grow in willing, joyful submission to their husbands' leadership (Eph 5:21-33; Col 3:18-19; Tit 2:3-5; 1 Pet 3:1-7).
* In the church, redemption in Christ gives men and women an equal share in the blessings of salvation; nevertheless, some governing and teaching roles within the church are restricted to men (Gal 3:28; 1 Cor 11:2-16; 1 Tim 2:11-15).
7. In all of life Christ is the supreme authority and guide for men and women, so that no earthly submission-domestic, religious, or civil-ever implies a mandate to follow a human authority into sin (Dan 3:10-18; Acts 4:19-20, 5:27-29; 1 Pet 3:1-2).
8. In both men and women a heartfelt sense of call to ministry should never be used to set aside Biblical criteria for particular ministries (1 Tim 2:11-15, 3:1-13; Tit 1:5-9). Rather, Biblical teaching should remain the authority for testing our subjective discernment of God's will.
9. With half the world's population outside the reach of indigenous evangelism; with countless other lost people in those societies that have heard the gospel; with the stresses and miseries of sickness, malnutrition, homelessness, illiteracy, ignorance, aging, addiction, crime, incarceration, neuroses, and loneliness, no man or woman who feels a passion from God to make His grace known in word and deed need ever live without a fulfilling ministry for the glory of Christ and the good of this fallen world (1 Cor 12:7-21).
10. We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.
Feel free to comment.
How does sin affect not only your marriage but all of your relationships?
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