What About Me?

For almost a year I led a discipleship group.
We studied the Bible held, one another accountable, and attempted to spur one another to spiritual growth.
Then the two young men I was discipling decided they'd had enough.

Since the "break up" I have had several different emotions but frustration has been the dominant one. The other night I was once again pouring out my frustration to God. Knowing that it is the Holy Spirit that produces spiritual hunger I poured out my heart asking God to ignite the fire in these young men. Then God did what he is so apt to do, he put a mirror up to my own life. The haunting question was this.

"Do I desire God as much as I am praying that they will?"

The fact is I often have a take it or leave it relationship with God. By that I mean that my yearning for God is less consistent and more like a roller coaster. Like, "now I want him" then, "now I'm content to simply be busy about his work without regard to my walk with him".
As a pastor it's really easy for people to think that I'm sold out for God all the time. It's really easy to seem spiritual when my job is to be doing "God's work". I visit people and pray with them, I teach and preach Bible lessons, surely I am "sold out for God", right...right?

I want these young men to see that giving God full reign in your life brings joy and freedom. And God wants me to consistently live what I just said irregardless of my vocation.